Friday, January 30, 2004
Growing up in my house was a little like growing up in the environment of an operating room (minus the hot nurses and the CellDyn2001 Blood Analyzer). Everything had its place, bookcases were dusted, carpets vacuumed leaving neat criss cross diagonal patterns, the floors were swept and mopped, the bathrooms scrubbed (our shower doors were being squeegeed long before it was en vogue). Our dishes were cleaned the moment they were put in the sink and if it was my night to wash them and something was especially crusty and cooked on, I had to plead my case to leave it in the sink to soak overnight. I even had friends, on more than one occasion, ask if it was okay to sit on the furniture because they didn't want to "mess it up." You get the idea.
Today, my house would be unrecognizable to my childhood friends. The dishes are still cleaned expeditiously but the rest of house....well, it's gone to the dogs, literally.
There is no where in my house that is safe from the constant onslaught of white, wiry, dog hair. They’re like ticks.. once they fall, they burrow into the fabric and won't budge. It takes a careful, steady hand to remove it which is pretty implausible due to the sheer number of hairs that fall from my dog (approximately 1,273,829 hairs per day.) The situation is so out of control that it's not uncommon for me to be miles away from my home and my dog and find an offending hair in some random place. Case in point: I recently attended a wedding 75 miles away and during the ceremony, I noticed a single white hair resting on the back of the man sitting directly in front of me. A complete stranger, mind you, sporting a $3000 suit and the best comb-over this side of the Mississippi. I pretended not to notice and let him continue through the evening with this little piece of Turtle hanging from his shoulder.
Where is this all leading? Well, I have two rock your ass off houseguests coming to town today to stay for the weekend and of course, I’m fretting about how dirty my house is. Not only is there the excessive dog hair issue, we also have a terrible case of “dusteous houseous” due to the fact both our house and backyard are going through major overhauls. Therefore, I have put together this Handy Dandy Packing Guideline for my guests:
Handy Dandy Packing Guideline:
1. Do not bring any piece of clothing you care about
2. Do not bring any piece of black clothing
3. Do not bring any piece of fleece clothing
4. Do not, under ANY circumstances, bring any piece black fleece clothing
5. DO bring industrial strength lint removers (three minimum)
6. Full Haz-Mat gear recommended for extended stays
If you pack using these easy to follow steps and burn all garments before returning to your own home, your stay at Casa de Cubie will be a delightful one, and free of aggravation upon your return home.
(FYI: Sports bras welcome May through September. Ha ha ha! Hell, sports bras welcome year round.)
|
Today, my house would be unrecognizable to my childhood friends. The dishes are still cleaned expeditiously but the rest of house....well, it's gone to the dogs, literally.
There is no where in my house that is safe from the constant onslaught of white, wiry, dog hair. They’re like ticks.. once they fall, they burrow into the fabric and won't budge. It takes a careful, steady hand to remove it which is pretty implausible due to the sheer number of hairs that fall from my dog (approximately 1,273,829 hairs per day.) The situation is so out of control that it's not uncommon for me to be miles away from my home and my dog and find an offending hair in some random place. Case in point: I recently attended a wedding 75 miles away and during the ceremony, I noticed a single white hair resting on the back of the man sitting directly in front of me. A complete stranger, mind you, sporting a $3000 suit and the best comb-over this side of the Mississippi. I pretended not to notice and let him continue through the evening with this little piece of Turtle hanging from his shoulder.
Where is this all leading? Well, I have two rock your ass off houseguests coming to town today to stay for the weekend and of course, I’m fretting about how dirty my house is. Not only is there the excessive dog hair issue, we also have a terrible case of “dusteous houseous” due to the fact both our house and backyard are going through major overhauls. Therefore, I have put together this Handy Dandy Packing Guideline for my guests:
Handy Dandy Packing Guideline:
1. Do not bring any piece of clothing you care about
2. Do not bring any piece of black clothing
3. Do not bring any piece of fleece clothing
4. Do not, under ANY circumstances, bring any piece black fleece clothing
5. DO bring industrial strength lint removers (three minimum)
6. Full Haz-Mat gear recommended for extended stays
If you pack using these easy to follow steps and burn all garments before returning to your own home, your stay at Casa de Cubie will be a delightful one, and free of aggravation upon your return home.
(FYI: Sports bras welcome May through September. Ha ha ha! Hell, sports bras welcome year round.)
